There are two sides…

“There are two sides to every story.”

“We just know their truth and we need to hear the other side before we can make a judgment.”

How many times have we heard this whenever someone comes forward with their truth, their pain and asking you to please please be kind. Be understanding.

So what does it actually mean when people say there are two sides. To me it means that we need evidence of your pain. We need proof of your cries and tears. But more than that we need someone powerful, more powerful than you to say it happened and it was wrong. Because for these people it is not enough for someone to admit that they caused this pain, but they also have to say that they were wrong. Otherwise…well otherwise it on the victim to prove that it was wrong, and it was painful. Otherwise it all fair game.

So what if it happened, so what if it caused you pain. You knew that going into. You knew what you were getting yourself into.

Therefore your pain, your abuse. It’s your responsibility. Not mine

Ultimately that is what they are saying. That they do not care about your pain. They do not care about the injustice that has occurred, and will not care unless forced to. Because ultimately as a society, I feel that we operative on a basis of, if I ignore what happened to you, then it will not happen to me. And that is most dangerous mindset we can have.

In psychology this mindset can be explained by the just world concept. This concept is about how we feel that if something bad happened to someone then they deserved it. If something good happened to them, its because they are a good person. Therefore when people say, there are two sides to every story, they want to know what did you do to deserve that behavior. As if all behavior, including abusive behavior if fine. As along as it can be justified. ‘Of course he yelled and screamed at her, the house is a tip’. ‘Of course he pushed her, and stepped over her, she would not move, what was he supposed to do’. And we agree, as a society and community we agree. What was he supposed to do? Look at how we view infidelity. If a husband murders his wife because he caught her cheating, or even visa versa, look at how we view it. Obviously that would happen, and it’s justified. But it’s not one action/decision should never justify taking someone’s life. But in our society this does.

As long as every behavior is justifiable, and right depending on the explanation, we will always have people who say, ‘there’s always two sides’. But I ask you, is there though? Is there really two sides to every story? Or there a truth and us being unwilling to believe it?